he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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