There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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