her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
