sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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