my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
