Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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