he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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