Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
