Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
