and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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