Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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