Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize