my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your dad touched me again.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
