I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
