Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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