I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
