and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize