Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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