I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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