When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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