You can't special order awesome
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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