I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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