I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
