More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
