I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
