i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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