i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
