I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
