I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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