Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
