FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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