dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize