I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
