Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
