he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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