guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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