What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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