He kissed a someone with a penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
