i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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