I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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