I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
