god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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