I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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