So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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