why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
