Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
