got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
