I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
