So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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