Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i think my cat just said my name.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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