I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
