One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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