babies were throwing up all over the place
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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