Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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