I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
