Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
