I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
