Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
