speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
