Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
