I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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