remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
